Erotic Massage Part II
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Reproduced with permission from the Society for Human Sexuality. All rights reserved.
- It's a great way to give someone an experience of being totally taken care of and free of any responsibilities.
- It's good for the body. Any book on therapeutic massage will list a number of positive, documented effects of massage on the body and mind.
- It feels good.
Effleurage: A smooth, gliding stroke during which the whole hand is in contact with the body, following the body's contours. Effleurage is a great way to begin and end massage on a particular area.
- Erotic massage is one of the best ways to help someone achieve extended, multiple, or "whole body" orgasmic states.
- You can't get pregnant from erotic massage, even if you aren't using any sort of birth control. Thus, it's a great way for male/female couples without access to birth control to make love.
- When intact latex gloves are used, there is no risk of STD transmission regardless of what sort of genital or anal pleasuring is being performed. Most people find latex gloves easier to deal with and less intrusive than condoms or dental dams. Furthermore, if your skin is healthy and you aren't going to be coming into contact with infected skin or body fluids, then gloves aren't necessary at all.
- Massage provides a space to learn to give and receive pleasure, and gives the receiving partner a chance to feel completely cared for by the massaging partner.
- It feels good.
Petrissage: A kneading, lifting stroke. Try to keep the palm of the hand in contact with the body along with the fingers. Be rhythmic, and alternate hands.
Friction: A direct, focused, compressing stroke. Thumbs, possibly braced, work well for this stroke. Be careful not to exert pressure with your fingernails if you have long fingernails. Circular motions work well. This stroke should be preceded by effleurage and/or petrissage.
- Don't bend over the table.
- Lean into the person you're massaging for deep strokes, rather than depending on upper arm strength.
- Keep your shoulders down.
- Keep your knees slightly bent for long gliding strokes.
Note: An April 5, 1997 keyword search on the subject of "massage" in the Books in Print database turned up 147 entries. Massage is a popular topic, and new books about it are being published at a rapid pace.
- Maintain contact with your partner.
- Put oils/lotions in your hand first, to be sure they are warm.
- Start with light and general strokes before doing deep and direct work on any given area.
- Repeated, slow strokes are relaxing. Fast, light strokes are invigorating.
- Deep, draining strokes on arms and legs should be done towards the heart rather than away from it.
- Massaging severely vericose veins deeply and directly is probably a bad idea. With other conditions use common sense, getting a doctor's opinion if necessary.
- Offer the receiving partner a glass of water afterwards. For a variety of reasons, water is especially valuable to the body after a massage.
A good instructional videotape on relaxation massage is Massage for Health. For more specialized tapes on relaxation massage, contact a massage therapy supplier such as Bodywork Emporium. Instructional videotapes on erotic massage include Fire on the Mountain: An Intimate Guide to Male Genital Massage, Fire in the Valley: An Intimate Guide to Female Genital Massage, Art of Extended Orgasm, etc.
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- Start by setting the space. The room should be warm enough for someone to be comfortable lying down naked in it (at least 78 degrees). Play some soft music, and possibly burn some incense. Turn off any phones and put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. The room lights should be low or off, and candles should be lit if possible.
- Letting the receiving partner take a hot bath or sit in a steam room or sauna before the massage is a good idea - this will open the pores and make the massage feel twice as nice.
- If you can take your sheets, blankets, and/or towels out of the dryer just before beginning your massage, they will be warm and feel wonderful to the receiving partner.
- Do a sort of "interview" with your partner if necessary. Ask them about any fantasies they have (which you can incorporate into "hot talk" later), if they're ticklish anywhere, if any part of their body is injured, etc. Ask how they masturbate. Learning whether they like G-spot stimulation, prostate stimulation, and/or vibrators is valuable.
- Have the receiving partner start out face down, lying on the sheet and blanket. Remind him or her to breathe slowly and regularly. Place your hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back, asking that person to imagine with each breath sinking lower and lower into the table. Rest like this for a little while.
- Take a long feather. Say, "I'm going to run a feather over your back. Put all your awareness into the place where the feather is touching you." Slowly run the feather up and down your partner's body.
- Take a fur mitten. Tell your partner to "Just enjoy this sensation." Run it all over their body.
- Start your massage on your partner's back. Proceed to his or her neck, legs, and feet. Kiss the back of your partner's neck every once in a while.
- Have your partner turn over, possibly offering an eye pillow if the room is too bright. Run the fur mitten over the front of their body.
- Massage the front of your partner's feet and legs.
- Tease your partner's genitals, inner thighs and/or nipples.
- Massage your partner's abdomen.
- Massage your partner's arms and hands.
- Circle your partner's nipples with your palms, keeping your mouth by his or her ear. Take this opportunity to say anything sexy and encouraging that comes to mind. Let your body language reflect the fun you are having.
- Use teasing, brushing strokes over your partner's genitals. Tell your partner to "Imagine an arousing heat slowly building in your genitals and spreading outwards."
- Do genital massage, to orgasm(s) if possible or desired. Many women will also enjoy it if a vibrator is gracefully included as part of this.
- Cover your partner with a blanket and rest your hands on his or her heart and genitals. Rest like this for a while.
[Note: this article, "The Yoni Massage", is now officially maintained on http://www.tantra.org, and is copyright © 1993-2001 by Jeffery Tye]
My wife and I have practiced Tantra/Sacred Sex for several years and have received much joy from the techniques and processes. One of my wife's favorite and frequently requested sexual activity is the Yoni Massage. It has greatly expanded our sex life, brought us closer and has given me a greater appreciation of women. We've taught the technique to many of our friends and they too have enjoyed good results from it. I offer it here and hope it enhances your sex life. Enjoy.
Yoni (pronounced YO-NEE) is a Sanskrit word for the vagina that is loosely translated as "Sacred Space" or "Sacred Temple." Its meaning and use is an alternate perspective from the Western view of the female genitals (i.e., Pussy, Cunt, Twat, etc., words which may or may not be complimentary depending on the intent of their usage). In Tantra, the Yoni is seen from a perspective of love and respect. This is especially helpful for men to learn.
The purpose of the Yoni Massage is to create a space for the woman (the receiver) to relax, and enter a state of high arousal and experience much pleasure from her Yoni. Her partner (the giver) experiences the joy of being of service and witnessing a special moment. The Yoni Massage can also be used as a form of safer sex (when latex gloves are used) and is an excellent activity to build trust and intimacy. Some massage and sex therapists use it to assist women to break through sexual blocks or trauma.
The goal of the Yoni massage is not orgasm. Orgasm is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal is simply to pleasure and massage the Yoni/vagina. From this perspective both receiver and giver can relax, and not have to worry about achieving something. When orgasm does occur it is usually more expanded, more intense and more satisfying. Orgasm is allowed to happen or not happen.
It is also helpful for the giver to not expect anything in return. Just allow the receiver to enjoy the massage and to relax into herself afterwards. Of course, other sexual activity may follow but it should be entirely the receiver's choice. This perspective will build greater intimacy and trust, and will greatly expand your sexual horizons.
Bathing is always helpful as it relaxes both the receiver and giver. A quiet space is desirable with pleasing music, candles, pillows, etc., or whatever makes the participants relax and feel safe. Allow yourself enough time and do not hurry through the process.
Go to the bathroom before beginning the massage. The best results will occur when the bowels and bladder are empty and you will avoid the unnecessary experience of interrupting the massage to go to the bathroom.
Connect with your partner by hugging, holding, eye gazing (looking into each other's eyes for an extended time), or whatever brings you to a place of safety and relaxation.
Have the receiver lie on her back with pillows under her head so she can look down at her genitals and up at her partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under her hips. Her legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and her genitals clearly exposed for the massage.
The giver sits cross-legged between the receivers' legs. The giver may wish to sit on a pillow or cushion. This position allows full access to the Yoni and other parts of the body.
Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Both giver and receiver should remember to keep breathing deeply, slowly and with relaxation during the entire process. The giver will gently remind the receiver to start breathing again if the receiver stops or takes shallower breaths. Deep breathing, not hyperventilating, is very important here.
Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, breasts, etc., to get the receiver to relax and for the giver to prepare for touching the Yoni.
Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil or lubricant on the mound of the Yoni. Pour just enough so that it drips down the outer lips and covers the outside of the Yoni. (Several excellent sexual lubricants are available for this. Many lingerie shops, sex toy shops, sex magazines, etc., offer these safe lubricants.)
CAVEAT - Do not mix oil-based products with latex.
Begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips of the Yoni. Spend some time here and do not rush. Relax and enjoy giving the massage. Gently squeeze the outer lip between the thumb and index finger, and slide up and down the entire length of each lip. Do the same thing to the inner lips of the Yoni/vagina. Take your time.
The receiver can massage her own breasts or may just relax and continue breathing deeply. It is helpful for giver and receiver to look into each other's eyes as much as possible. The receiver can tell the giver if the pressure, speed, depth, etc., needs to be increased or decreased. Limit your speaking and focus on the pleasurable sensations. (It is my experience that too much talking gets one out of their feelings and diminishes the effects.)
Gently stroke the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circles. Gently squeeze it between thumb and index fingers. Do this as a massage and not to get the receiver off. The receiver will undoubtedly become very aroused but continue to encourage her to just relax and breathe.
Slowly and with great care, insert the middle finger of your right hand into the Yoni (there is a reason for using the right hand as opposed to the left. It has to do with polarity in Tantra). Very gently explore and massage the inside of the Yoni/ vagina with this finger. Take your time, be gentle, and feel up, down and sideways. Vary the depth, speed and pressure. Remember, this is a massage and you're nurturing and relaxing the Yoni.
With your palm facing up, and the middle finger inside the Yoni, move the middle finger in a "come here" gesture or crook back towards the palm. You will contact a spongy area of tissue just under the pubic bone, behind the clitoris. This is the G-spot or in Tantra, the sacred spot (there are many excellent books that go into detail about this area). Your partner may feel as if they have to urinate or it may be painful or pleasurable. Again vary the pressure, speed and pattern of movement. You can move side to side, back and forth, or in circles with your middle finger. You can also insert the finger that's between your middle finger and pinkie. Check with your partner first before sticking two fingers into them. Most women should have no problem and will enjoy the increased stimulation from two fingers. Take your time and be very gentle. You may use the thumb of the right hand to stimulate the clitoris as well.
An option to try if the receiver wants it is to insert the pinkie of the right hand into her anus. Ask her first and do not insert your pinkie into her Yoni/vagina after it has been in her anus. Use lubrication and be very gentle.
(In Tantra, it is said that when your pinkie is in her anus, the next finger and middle finger in her Yoni/vagina, and your thumb on her clitoris, "You are holding one of the mysteries of the universe in your hand.")
So, what is your left hand doing all this time? You can use it to massage the breasts, abdomen, or clitoris. If you massage the clitoris it's usually best to use your thumb in an up down motion, with the rest of your hand resting on and massaging the mound. The dual stimulation of right and left hands will provide much pleasure for the receiver. I do not recommend using your left hand to touch your own genitals because it may take your focus off the receiver. Remember, this massage is for her pleasure and much of the benefit comes from not only the physical stimulation but the intent as well.
Continue massaging, trying different speeds, pressures and motions. Keep breathing and looking into each other's eyes. She may have powerful emotions come up and may cry. Just keep breathing and be gentle. Many women have been sexually abused and need to be healed. A giving, loving and patient partner can be of great value to her.
If she has an orgasm, keep her breathing, and continue massaging if she wants. More orgasms may occur, each gaining in intensity. In Tantra this is called "riding the wave." Many women can learn how to be multi-orgasmic with the Yoni Massage and a very patient partner.
Keep massaging until she tells you to stop. Very slowly, gently, and with respect, remove your hands. Allow her to just lay there and enjoy the afterglow of the Yoni massage. Cuddling or holding is very soothing as well. As you learn to master the Yoni Massage your sex life will be greatly enriched and you will learn a great deal about feminine sexuality.
[Note: this article, "The Lingam Massage", is now officially maintained on http://www.tantra.org, and is copyright © 1993-2001 by Jeffery Tye]
The Sanskrit word for the male sexual organ is Lingam (pronounced LING-AHM, [LING rhymes with sing]) and is loosely translated as "Wand of Light." Its meaning is different in intention from the typical Western view of the penis (i.e., Cock, Prick, Dong, Dick, etc., words that may come from a limited perspective, depending on the intent of their usage). In Tantra/Sacred Sexuality, the Lingam is respectfully viewed and honored, a "Wand of Light" that channels creative energy and pleasure.
The purpose of the Lingam Massage is to create a space the receiver to relax, and receive expanded pleasure from his Lingam. His partner (the giver) experiences the joy of facilitating and witnessing the man surrendering to his softer, gentler side. The Lingam Massage can be used as a form of safer sex (when latex gloves are used) and is an excellent process to build trust and intimacy. It is often used to help men heal from negative sexual conditioning and trauma.
Orgasm is not the goal of the Lingam massage although it is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal is to massage the Lingam, also including testicles, perineum and Sacred Spot (the equivalent to the female G-spot), and allow the man to surrender to a form of pleasure he may not be used to. From this perspective both receiver and giver relax into the massage.
Men need to learn to RELAX and RECEIVE. Traditional sexual conditioning has the man in a doing and goal oriented mode. The Lingam Massage allows the man to experience his softer, more receptive side and experience pleasure from a non-traditional perspective.
Take a relaxing bath or shower. Take your time and breathe deeply. Conscious, relaxed breathing will take you out of your mental process and will get you more into your feelings. Relax your belly and let go of the tension that most of us hold there.
Go to the bathroom before beginning the massage. The best results occur when the bowels and bladder are empty.
Let go of your thoughts and connect with your partner through hugging, holding, eye gazing (looking into each other's eyes for an extended time), bringing both of you to a place of relaxation and trust.
Have the receiver lie on his back with pillows under his head so he can look up at his partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under his hips. His legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and his genitals clearly exposed for the massage.
The giver sits cross-legged between the receivers' legs. Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, chest, nipples, etc., to get the receiver to relax. Remind the receiver to breathe deeply and to sink deeper into relaxation.
Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil (or water-based or silicone-based lubricant when using latex gloves) on the shaft of the Lingam and testicles. Begin gently massaging the testicles, taking care to not cause pain in this sensitive area. Massage the scrotum gently, causing it to relax. Massage the area above the Lingam, on the pubic bone. Massage the Perineum, the area between the testicles and anus. Take your time. You are giving a massage to an often neglected area of the body.
CAVEAT - Do not mix oil-based products with latex.
Massage the shaft of the Lingam. Vary the speed and pressure. Gently squeeze the Lingam at the base with your right hand, pull UP and slide off and then alternate with your left hand. Take your time doing this, right, left, right, left, etc. Then, change the direction by starting the squeeze at the head of the Lingam/ penis and then sliding DOWN and off. Again, alternate with right and left hands.
Massage the head of the Lingam as if you are using an orange juicer. Massage all around the head and shaft. In Tantra there are many nerve endings on the Lingam that correspond to other parts of the body. It is said many ailments can be cured by receiving a good Lingam Massage.
NOTE: The Lingam may or may not go soft as you perform this technique. Do not worry if it doesn't get hard again. You will probably find that it will get hard, then go soft, get hard again, etc., which is a highly desirable Tantric experience, like riding a wave, bobbing up and down. Hardness and Softness are two ends of the pleasure spectrum.
If it appears that the receiver is going to ejaculate, back off, allowing the Lingam to soften a little before resuming the massage. Do this several times, coming close to ejaculation, and then backing off. Remember, the goal is not orgasm in and of itself. Men can learn the art of ejaculatory mastery and control by coming close to ejaculation and then backing off on the stimulation. Deep breathing is key here and will soften the urge to ejaculate. Eventually ejaculatory mastery will allow you to make love as long as you want and you can become multi-orgasmic without losing a drop of semen. Orgasm and ejaculation are two different responses that you can learn to separate. The result is a very expanded sex life.
Find and massage the male Sacred Spot. There are two ways to do this. One is by finding the spot midway between the testicles and anus. There is a small indentation about the size of a pea or maybe larger. Be gentle and push inward. He will feel the pressure deep inside and it may be intensely painful at first. Eventually, as this area is worked on and softened, he will be able to expand his orgasms and master ejaculatory control. You can massage his Lingam with your right hand and massage his Sacred Spot with your left hand. Try pushing in on this spot when he nears ejaculation. It is aptly named the Million Dollar Point in Taoism.
The other way to access the Sacred Spot is through the anus. Many men, especially heterosexual men, are uncomfortable at first as a result of negative sexual conditioning. Be careful here and use lubrication. The key is to go slow and be very gentle. Make sure he is breathing as you slip a finger from your left hand into the anus about an inch or so. Then crook the finger back in a "come here" gesture. You will feel the prostate gland. Vary the pressure and speed of massage. He may want stimulation of the Lingam as you massage the Sacred Spot. Back off on the Lingam as he approaches orgasm and increase the pressure on the Sacred Spot.
Sometimes the man may have strong emotions come up during access to the Sacred Spot. He may cry and remember a traumatic event from his past. You, the giver, are in a place of trust and intimacy. Allow him to feel his emotions and be very loving, not trying to console or fix him, just let him feel whatever he needs to. Encourage him to scream, cry, moan, sob, if it feels appropriate. Be the best friend and healer he could have in that moment.
ENDING THE MASSAGE:
If he chooses to let go and ejaculate, encourage him to breathe deeply during the orgasm. It will blow his mind, especially if he has come close and held back at least SIX times before ejaculating. Holding back six times charges up the sexual battery with tremendous energy. It is then his choice as to where he wants to send this energy -- out with their ejaculate (the prevailing paradigm) or inward for other uses (men who master ejaculation are able to channel this energy into other areas of their being).
When he feels complete with the massage gently remove your hands and allow him to lie there quietly. You may want to snuggle up together or you can leave the room and let him drift off into a meditative state. Allow him to fully experience his childlike innocence and magnificent male beauty.
(Inspired by the Body Electric for Men Course)
Perform a general full body massage with oil (almond oil works fine, but you may wish to massage the back with cornstarch instead for easier clean-up). Begin with the back and include the backs of the legs. Then have the person on the table roll over, and perform a general massage on the front. Brush over the whole body, including the pubic region.
Perform one or more of the massage strokes detailed in the school's Fire on the Mountain videotape, possibly including some of the anal massage techniques explored in Rosebud Massage videotape.
Please read "General Ideas" below to be able to make sense of step three. Basically, build the energy of the massage to the point of performing the "Big Draw". Stop touching when this is done, and cocoon the receiving partner with a sheet. After 5-10 minutes, uncover and towel off oil.
The experience of this type of massage is enhanced if one does NOT ejaculate (during the massage, during the "Big Draw", and afterwards).
The "Big Draw"
The "Big Draw" is a time, as the massage reaches its climax, when the person receiving massage takes a series of seven deep breaths. The person performing the massage then steps back (and stays stepped back) while the person receiving the massage then proceeds to lift the back and legs a bit (as if doing a "crunch"), holds his breath, and proceeds to firmly clench every muscle in the body and hold that position for 20 seconds. This is then followed by total relaxation and resuming regular breathing. It isn't uncommon for this to provoke "emotional release", or other such reactions. The person performing the massage should stay attentive and watch the person on the table ("holding the space") but shouldn't otherwise interfere. It's a good idea to cover the person up with the sheet or blanket after the "Big Draw", and to arrange the music so that something suitably cosmic is playing after relaxation (total silence, if it can be arranged, is a good idea for the five seconds following the Big Draw, and possibly during it). Generally, the intensity of the massage should slowly be building (along with the intensity of the music) until this part happens.
Breathing is very important. Without hyperventilating, when you are receiving a massage such as this it can enhance pleasure to breath deeply and regularly. An advanced technique for the person performing the massage is to breathe in time with the person being massaged (breathing with some sound is helpful, and will remind the person being massaged to breathe).
When receiving the massage, vocalizing of some kind can also be helpful, and requests/instructions to the person performing the massage should always be welcome.
For this, see Annie Sprinkle's latest instructional videotape, Fire in the Valley: An Intimate Guide to Female Genital Massage.
Reproduced with permission Society for Human Sexuality. All rights reserved. Copyright for quoted material is held by the original author.